Recently Lucy and I went to Center Parcs for five days of biblical training. While we were there God spoke to me about fear, and how I was letting it rule my life. I haven’t had a fearful life. I have good parents and a good education, yet I had let the fear of what other people thought of me creep in. This made it difficult for me as I struggled with talking to people about Jesus, freely worshipping and asking for prayer.
God started speaking to me about this a little bit before the Center Parcs training, when David shared a diagram that had fear and love opposing each other. I had already seen this diagram but had not really concentrated on it. I realised that God was telling me that I needed to understand that I was living in fear, not love, and that the reason we were seeing this diagram again was so I could understand this. It was one of those ‘I’m not as clever as I think’ moments. I realised that fear was running my life, not love, and this just wasn’t right.
Center Parcs was an amazing time of listening, learning and drawing near to God, praising God and listening to Him more. I learnt about so many things, including cross-cultural mission and spiritual gifts.
On our second day of training at Center Parcs we were taught about spiritual blockages, one of which is fear. We talked about different fears that affect us, including the fear of rejection, fear of what people will think about you and how they will treat you, fear of failure, of stepping out in faith and failing, and financial fear, especially when changing our life in order to obey God.
For me, I realised that the fear of what others thought of me was holding me back in worshipping God. But I also realised that, although I still have those feelings, God is really working in me to change that.